REAL
As a therapist, I am thrilled when a person can reveal themselves wholeheartedly to me. We can’t always establish this level of trust, but when people can share their deepest fears and their most profound reflections, I think they will benefit most from mental health treatment.
One of the individuals who shared her unfettered real self with me, was a teen girl who began therapy at some point during high school. We will call the girl Jane. Jane was a rather typical high schooler. She had the attributes of being bright, enthusiastic, and over-achieving. Jane also suffered from episodes of BIG depression, as well as the anxiety that often goes with attention management problems. Jane was a young woman with whom I could relate.
Over time I watched and listened as Jane described her various passions, projects, and curiosities. I saw pictures of Jane’s pets, and I learned about her botany obsession. I heard about the struggle of juggling grades, making it to volleyball practice, show choir rehearsal, and then (somehow) forgetting about her 4-H meeting. I learned to follow her rapid speech, tangential thoughts, and scattered explanations.
One day Jane brought to session a small collection of handmade post cards. She made the cards from bits of beautifully patterned paper, and ribbon and lace. Each one had unique and intricate shapes and contrasts and colors. They were meticulously made and looked like miniature pieces or art. She assembled these works of art because she wanted to, not because she had a project to produce. I was so amazed at her skill and creativity; I immediately thought her dream of veterinary school was mismatched with her true talents.
While I was already impressed with Jane’s resilience, her hidden artistry helped me see how extraordinary she really was. I told her that she was a renaissance woman; she truly was a woman with uncanny talent and skills in a wide array of disciplines. Jane did all of these things with a full and eager heart, even though she had bouts of depression that sometimes made it impossible for her to get out of bed. Jane pursued all of the opportunities that sparked her joy, even though her brain could sometimes take her down so many spiraling pathways that she would become frozen in uncertainty.
When Jane graduated high school, she moved away to attend college, eager to prepare for her dream of vet school. Jane checked in with me after the first semester of college, and she reported that she had significant struggles with her mental health in the early part of the semester. She missed enough classes and assignments that she made the painful decision to withdraw from her university. After withdrawing from school, Jane was determined to improve her overall wellness, including her mental health. She also gave herself permission to fully learn the skills for being on her own, as she continued to live out of her parents’ home, and she recognized that she needs time to develop into a full-fledged adult. While Jane’s passion for a varied and stimulating life was an inspiration for me, I was also her guide for thoughtfully reigning in her expansive desires. Reigning in our “all over the place” ( monkey) mind is not easy or comfortable, but it is necessary. Today Jane tells me that her most important skill in recovering from a traumatic first try at college, is mindfulness. It’s true, the number one anecdote to multi-tasking yourself into a paralyzed state of overwhelm, is finding your breath, right where you are.
